Challon - Thoughts and Stuffs

It's a Miracle

2011-10-25T19:29:00.004-05:00

Yeah, amazing, wow. That photoshopper had to spend like 20 seconds on this. I was about to say how I rarely write on this blog when I realized I probably say that every time I post a blog. Ehh. I decided I've written things that are really way too personal IRL. I wasn't considering the impact on other people but mainly myself. I'm still lonely and confused and feel lonely even some more.

Loving Forever

2011-08-21T20:53:00.003-05:00

This picture just really spoke to me. Each day I grow older, I see how something this special is a rare find. Maybe it's just a choice that is very rewarding. The pain is gone... just bones & love remain.

Almighty Creator

2011-07-10T16:24:00.000-05:00

I'm still on the fence on this one.

Words Hurt

2011-06-20T09:16:00.002-05:00

I'm going to grow from this because like my Memaw says: nothing worth really having comes easy. I still don't see why people forget that words sting for a long long time. They can't be erased. Words hurt more than a slap in the face. WORDS HURT.

Pent Up Sadness

2011-05-07T12:41:00.003-05:00

That's exactly what will happen if you do not release your pain. I know this. Express your sadness whether through crying, screaming, laughing, just whatever you need to do. It's damaging to the soul to leave it inside even though it doesn't feel so great releasing it. It is better for your emotional, physical and spiritual health in the long run. word.

Chances

2011-05-05T18:14:00.007-05:00

I keep getting chances but I screw those up just like I did with you. and I now know real male leadership requires no money or Christianity.I cry for help, cry for your hand but you don't hear me or come close to helping me. Why is everyone scared to help? to help me?

You Can Prevent Yourself from Crying While...

2011-03-25T21:03:00.002-05:00

Tomato Talk

2011-03-13T16:42:00.004-05:00

I had a really neat, purposeful experience at the grocery store today and it went down like this:I go shopping for food in my Elvis t-shirt, brown shorts and skeleton slipper shoes. I had to drop off a prescription so I went through the store backwards starting in the frozen foods and went backwards to the fresh fruits and veggies. I was at the end, which is normally the beginning, but stay

Image if People with Down Syndrome Ruled the World

2011-03-11T00:17:00.007-06:00

If People With Down Syndrome Ruled The World Affection, hugging and caring for others would make a big comeback.All people would be encouraged to develop and use their gifts for helping others.People would be refreshingly honest and genuine.A stuffy, high society would not do well.Schedules and calendars would be followed.Lunch would be at 12:00, dinner at 6:00.People would be expected to keep

Sometimes, I Want to Lock Myself in My Room, Lay on the Floor...

2011-03-05T16:34:00.003-06:00

I'm trying not to blog all my sad thoughts any more because I know it is a total buzz kill to hear a misery chick all the time. Well, I saw the above post on tumblr and even though it sounds great to cry until I have no tears left, that is totally unrealistic. I didn't cry at all for about 8 years. I mean, not at all. Now, I'm trying to get back to that state of mind except to have a

My Baby Bird is NINE YEARS OLD TODAY

2011-03-02T19:36:00.010-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITTY GIRL! Yes, it's true. Muriel is 9 years old today. Time really does go by so fast. Yeah, I know that's cheesy to say but it really does.Each year on her birthday, I tell her about the day she was born. So, it went down like this: It was super cold outside but we went to the hospital for me to be induced at like 5am which sucked but I was READY to have the baby. My doctor

Anthony Hamilton - Sista Big Bones

2011-02-23T17:54:00.002-06:00

He is such a talented ass man.

I Do Like Acoustic Songs - Had to say it. shewww.

2011-02-23T16:39:00.002-06:00

Yeah, I know I'm supposed to give you a bunch of links to acoustic music but frankly, you might know more than I do about it so maybe you could hook me up there.

Just Stop - poem

2011-02-20T19:55:00.001-06:00

Stop wishing to be thin, and just do it. Stop complaining about food, and just eat healthier. Stop bitching about exercising, and get moving. Stop reposting thinspo pics, and become your own thinspo. Stop wasting time on tumblr, and actually do something. Stop making excuses, and just seize the day. Stop dreaming, and start achieving.

I Love These Guys Very Much

2011-02-17T19:21:00.002-06:00

You can learn all about the Good Neighbors stuff at their very own site. They're a big deal. (to me)

Words in my Head

2011-02-16T18:47:00.007-06:00

revised... Issues - yes, I have them. You probably do too.Balls - yes, I want to step on them with the highest heels I have.Body - I'm getting mines in shapeAnger - yes, I feel a lot of itGrowth - it's happening whether I want it to or not.Positive - I can feel it startingHumans - yes, losing faith in the ones over about 22 years old.

The Babies

2011-02-02T19:59:00.003-06:00

I downloaded this pic from Tumblr but it spoke a lot to me. I'm going thru a tiny crisis right now and both my dogs and children are living with their Dad. I am totally ALONE. I love my alone time but damn, I think I'm making friends with myself at this point. I get it now God/Universe entity thingy.

Bye Bye

2011-01-28T17:03:00.001-06:00

I was going to write: "Bye Bye to the Old Me" but then I thought about how I look nothing like Snow White. Seriously.

Every Scar I Have Makes Me

2011-01-22T18:09:00.001-06:00

Just Baptisms and What Not

2010-12-23T13:57:00.008-06:00

I saw this picture of Father Bill giving a full body baptism to Shirley and just thought whoa. How'd that go down? Most Anglican churches only do the sprinkle of holy water on the head and it is typically when that person is a baby. I've been full body baptized twice at Baptist churches and then confirmed into the Episcopal church. I loved that moment when I was confirmed. Many family members

Do You Understand Why You Are Waiting?

2010-11-19T11:42:00.001-06:00

I dunno. I need answers

2010-10-25T09:24:00.002-05:00

My Favorite "Teach Me How To Dougie"

2010-08-28T15:59:00.001-05:00

Struggling with Depression

2010-08-18T08:54:00.013-05:00

Struggling with Depression – A Personal Perspective By Debbie Leads 8/10/03 Days of endless struggleMore hopeful pills todayTrying to appear ‘normal’In some sort of way.It seems that the struggleIs always here with meAnd I wouldn’t be here nowIf guilt would leave me beI know there’s been manyWho’ve had it worse than IBut that doesn’t always meanThat I wouldn’t say good-byePeople say I have a

WANNA BE STARTING SOMETHING

2010-08-09T22:23:00.004-05:00

Ma ma se, Ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa Ma ma se, ma ma sa, Ma ma coo sa

When It Rains...

2010-06-19T11:10:00.004-05:00

I mentioned on twitter this last week that:WHEN IT RAINS IN MY LIFE, IT POURS HURRICANES, MAKES ME SICK & RIPS MY HEART OUT.That was exactly my week. I had ANOTHER sinus infection, my grandmother (who's more like my Mom) went into the hospital and has been there over a week, she may be moving to Dallas sooner than September, didn't get either job I interviewed for and then I figured some other

Living That Lie (Sorta)

2010-06-11T23:13:00.006-05:00

Well, it's been sucking pretty bad actually. It's been a bad day except for a great job interview. Idiot girlplays too mucheffs upeverything she will touch

Another Poem, Kinda.

2010-05-28T22:03:00.004-05:00

Life is moving so fastI have 1 foot ready to runUnsettled feelings since I can rememberLike I'm waiting on something externalTo give me some solid sanity.I keep forgetting that comes from within me.Got to get right with the Lawd.So I can give myself the peace I want.SOLID - FIST BUMPS ENSUED

I'll Be Back

2010-05-26T14:14:00.001-05:00

Yeah, sometime soon I'll be back but for now I have nothing to say on this blog nor do I feel like I can say shit on it anyways.

That Church + Cropping = That Church

2010-05-15T20:27:00.007-05:00

I told Mazzy to jump out & take a picture of that church. Like a ninja, she walks up to the sign, and takes a picture. But, then I cropped her out of the picture for the final pic. She was ok.

New Adventure (kinda)

2010-05-15T08:23:00.003-05:00

I just really do not have much to say on this blog anymore. I don't really get the time I used to get to ponder and write. But, that all changed last Friday, May 7th, when I was laid off from my job of 6 years. I loved that place too. I was offered 3 other jobs while there but didn't take them because I was that loyal of an employee. Oh well, I tried. I was one of three to be laid off. I

Beautifully Broken

2010-05-07T11:14:00.005-05:00

Yeh, I 'm not going to say much on this one. The words speak for themselves. I'm really really pretty and I am broken sometimes.

So Happy

2010-04-27T21:30:00.001-05:00

These guys are so happy to see that guy. Woooooo

This is Taking Forever

2010-04-27T07:00:00.000-05:00

It's so hard to write now. It feels as if all the inspiration from my soul has disappeared. It sucks to feel broken inside but that is seriously how I feel & have felt for too long. So, wtf do I do now? Healing takes FORfuckingEVER. I know in 30 years, I won't think this was much time to endure pain but in the last 12 months, it is really a little too much. I don't know how many times I need to

Who Am I To You?

2010-04-22T22:30:00.001-05:00

Ok, so yeah. This picture is pretty much all there is.

Cool Easter Blogs

2010-04-04T10:24:00.005-05:00

I've included the links to the blogs in case clicking on the picture doesn't work. Happy Easter to All!! The Lord has Risen Indeed!! http://acts17verse28.blogspot.com/2010/04/happy-easter.html http://theconfusedhomemaker.com/2010/04/04/easter-sunday-2010/ http://dailyoffice.wordpress.com/2010/04/03/morning-prayer-4-4-10-feast-of-the-resurrection-easter-day/

Ehh - A Poem (Kinda)

2010-03-23T20:39:00.010-05:00

I finally tore down that wall just to find out I was wrong to let it fall The hurt is too much when I let it down I'd rather live without feeling than to feel that pain Thing is, I don't know how to shut it down again? I cannot find a switch or button to close it off my friend No choice but to figure out how to leave it open without exposing myself to pain as huge as the ocean Those memories of

Some "A" Words I've Learned

2010-03-20T17:03:00.007-05:00

So, I've been working eagerly on healing since last October and I kept hearing people say the words Acceptance and Assertive. I generally know what these words mean but I looked them up online to get a fuller definition. I'll just summarize what they are to me: Acceptance = knowing that you cannot change anything about a situation or person. Once I figured this out, life seemed to start

One Small Change - Green Spring Clean

2010-03-10T21:42:00.002-06:00

March is all about purging the house. Anything that is eligible will go to Goodwill or Memphis Freecycle. I will throw away as little as possible in this area, instead making the effort to thrift or Freecycle things. The space that results from this purge will allow me to not have so much clutter. So far, it's working... I'm doing all my spreadsheets again to track progress. Yes, I'm a Superb

Caught Looking at ...

2010-02-27T19:30:00.002-06:00

Blahz

2010-02-27T19:23:00.001-06:00

Meh - still bored. Still healing. blah blah blah.

Busy Busy

2010-02-21T06:12:00.000-06:00

Oh - I really need to get my butt to work but I just couldn't resist getting the morning alone on the internet! I've literally updated all my social network accounts and cleaned out my twitter account a little. I don't have a lot of time these days because it is TAX SEASON and well, my life is consumed with work right now. And, on top of that, I had two children during tax season so that

M.I.A. - My Latest Crush

2010-02-20T06:22:00.003-06:00

Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam (Tamil: மாதங்கி 'மாயா' அருள்பிரகாசம்) (born 18 July 1975),[1] better known by her stage name M.I.A., is an English songwriter, record producer, singer, rapper, fashion designer, and artist of Tamil Sri Lankan origin.I'm glad she shortened her name cuz that would have been really hard to try and pronounce! Below is the video "Bucky Done Gun" from her album Arular

FUN THINGS - WHERE'S THE SPICE?

2010-02-07T09:53:00.005-06:00

I do miss doing fun things. Seems like most things are just mundane and boring now. I want spice in my life but not the spice that gets me into trouble. I want the spice that gets my adrenaline pumping and makes the hairs on my arm stand up. I'm stopping because I'm starting to cry because nothing compares to the spice I experienced in the last year. I don't mean the devestation brought on by

One Small Change: Bye Bye Paper Towels

2010-02-01T21:08:00.009-06:00

Ok, so here comes February's change; to stop using paper towels. I grew up not using paper towels but we always had a dishtowel or wash "rags". My mom didn't realize she was being ecofriendly but she did it out of a need to save money. There are many times during the year we do not use paper towels for the same exact reason. So, it wasn't hard to decide that this month and probably the rest of

One Small Change - Crispy Jeans

2010-01-31T19:36:00.007-06:00

On January 1st, I decided to take part in Hip Mountain Mama's One Small Change vision. You can read about it here but she is asking for one small change to make a positive green impact. Jeans seem to take forever in the dryer so I thought if I could hang dry them then that would save energy and money. I loved how my family was really willing to get on board with doing this. We had them hanging

Tearing Down the Wall - Ouch

2010-01-27T19:40:00.005-06:00

As I write this, tears are streaming down my lips, face and neck. I was told once to not wipe my tears and to not be afraid to cry. Well, if that person could see me now! Technically what has happened is I have torn down the wall; The wall I built in childhood to keep out the mean people that did bad things to me. This wall doesn't serve me anymore as an adult but now I have to manage not having

Deciphering Emotions

2010-01-20T19:50:00.018-06:00

First let me say that this is something I could write about for hours but I'll probably get off on a tangent and not make any sense so here goes a smalllllll tangent. It takes more energy to be assertive than being aggressive or passive. Energy can be derived from many emotions including anger. Anger produces a stimulant that can speed up our heart and make our hands shake. It is fair to

Sweet Humans?

2010-01-19T21:01:00.003-06:00

What happened to the sweet humans who thought of God everyday? Are they so focused on money, power and self that they are no longer "sweet"? Humanity has been on my mind lately because I have been exposed to humans that are superficial and without integrity. I usually think of integrity as "keeping it real real" but it is really the integration of your environment to yourself. It's not the other

The Government Can

2010-01-17T19:08:00.004-06:00

I'm very thankful the government does tax the sunrise because I prepare tax returns everyday & I like having a job. Tim Hawkins has clean family comedy with an edge. You can read about him here. He is so funny though as he explains in song why "The Government Can".... Enjoy!

Cyberstalking - Weird Stuff

2010-01-16T18:20:00.000-06:00

Cyberstalking is no joke guys and is apparently becoming noticed more by legal authorities. For those of you who do not know what it is, Wikipedia defines it as: The use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk someone. The behavior includes false accusations, monitoring, the transmission of threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sexual

Humbled

2010-01-14T11:00:00.002-06:00

In light of the devastating earthquake in Haiti, I feel humbled and small and my problems do not seem near as magnified as they were yesterday. There are so many things that I want to say but I think it would best be said in a private one-on-one email versus the INTERNET (total CAPS LOCK voice). Drama is not good like on TV, it sucks to really live the real life drama. But, I think that when

Alone Time Lessons

2010-01-09T19:37:00.003-06:00

I'm ALL ALONE at home. SCORE. I haven't had alone time for about 2 months and I'm so happy to finally get some me time. So, I thought I would share some things I'm working on to enhance my life and well-being.I have told myself to pick one positive out of every situation I experience. You should try it because I realized in some ways it is super hard but then other times the positive is very

One Small Change - Hang Dry Jeans

2010-01-03T11:52:00.006-06:00

I decided to take part in Hip Mountain Mama's One Small Change vision. You can read about it here but she is asking for one small change to make a positive green impact. The change that me and well, my oldest daughter decided to make was to hang dry our blue jeans. Jeans seem to take forever in the dryer so I thought if I could hang dry them then that would save energy and money. I have to admit

This Blog is Beautiful

2009-12-31T21:08:00.001-06:00

I changed my blog template again. I am obsessed with blog templates that have more than 2 or 3 columns and I found this one and I LOVE IT. So Get Some & Happy New Year!!

It's Not OK

2009-12-30T18:39:00.011-06:00

One of the trending topics on twitter yesterday was #itsnotok. I sat there in the doctor's office for 3 hours in a little room with a window mustering a thousand thoughts of what is not ok for or to me. These are some of the ones that really stuck out in my mind: It's not ok to tell me one thing and mean another. It's not ok to rush me into a major decision. Time is just a thang and shouldn't

Some Stuff I Learned in 2009

2009-12-26T16:20:00.005-06:00

The breakdown of the stuff:Stuff I learned the EASY way: If you want to learn to do anything, go to youtube.comMost people do not think your children are as beautiful as you doThe most valuable thing you can give your children is your timeChocolate enhances my mood and energy levelI love to do yardwork Stuff I learned the HARD way: Do not ever go years without being vulnerable or cryingDo not

The Enternetz (I'm saying it angerly, rawr)

2009-12-22T20:14:00.001-06:00

I hate the Internet sometimes. It has caused more problems in my life in the last year than I care to admit. I am learning to just not look at any one's sites anymore. It is just some other crap that gets my head going in a negative direction. I'm surrounded by negativity today and I don't need to encourage it. I shouldn't write when I'm pissed off but sometimes it helps to get it out this way

Comedy Fun

2009-12-22T11:27:00.008-06:00

Tim Hawkins is a really funny guy. My daughter actually turned me onto him and I am thankful she did. His comedy includes both stand up with or without guitar. This one that I embedded from youtube is the Chick-fil-A song. Another favorite of mine is the "Government Can" cuz who can tax the sunrise? Who can tax the trees? The Government Can...hee hee href="">

Parenting Dilemma (kinda)

2009-12-18T20:43:00.007-06:00

I was asked by my 11 year old daughter if I would drop her off at Kohl's to meet a girl friend and it's almost 9pm. I told her I'm ready to try and give her more freedom to walk around a store or even around the Mall with a friend. I'm just not ready to try this new freedom at 9pm. But "all her friends do this on the weekend night" (<--my daughter talking). I went on to bring up other friends

Just Blabbing Away

2009-12-16T21:18:00.008-06:00

I am learning I owe nothing to anyone but myself and with that said, I will say whatever I want and whenever I feel like it. It is the free speech I was born with and no one can take that away from me. Regardless if you are a conservative republican or a liberal democrat, I think we all agree we have the right to say anything we want. I just wanted to get this out of me because it has been

Maz & Mur's Christmas Wish List

2009-12-14T21:01:00.002-06:00

I am so excited to have my scanner back. So, I thought I would scan the girls' 2009 Christmas Wish List. Hopefully you can read the list cuz they still turned out a little fuzzy even after my editing them!

Sunday Mornings

2009-12-06T10:19:00.009-06:00

Sunday morning is the best. I wake up before anyone else in the house and after maintaining myself biologically; I get on the computer. I journal then check Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook and look at Yahoo's photos of the week. I read over the blogs I follow for any post that slipped through the cracks due to a busy week at work. Occasionally, I will blog or at least start a post that I usually never

Thankful for...Um

2009-11-26T10:10:00.010-06:00

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving Errbody!! Ok, now that I've been cordial, let me say that I wanted to slap the next person who told me "it will get better in time". Well, I still may slap you but I'm finding this little phrase to be true. It feels like my emotions are becoming less severe which is a blessing.I was so completely tired of being emotionally drained that I did have to go seek help

Playtime Woes

2009-11-25T18:40:00.001-06:00

There is really not a lot going on if you look at the big picture but the day to day picture seems pretty full. Since it is getting dark so early, my girls are a little stir crazy by about 6pm. I need ideas of stuff to do with them because playing cards, doing puzzles, watching funny videos and painting fingernails is starting to get old. We have many more months of early darkness so I need to

The Struggle

2009-11-14T11:40:00.000-06:00

I have been wanting to write more on this blog because it does help to just get out the thoughts bottled up inside. It seems I rarely have time to write though because John and the girls are here on the weekends now and have been for the past 3 weekends. Yes, he is here at the house for the most part but has not moved his stuff back in yet. We are still in "decision making mode" as to whether we

Comments

2009-11-09T22:19:00.005-06:00

It is so strange to me that I only have 9 comments after posting 59 blog posts. I would like people to comment more, even if that means anonymously. I love to hear what other people think of my situations even though most of the time I'm not ready to hear it. It helps me grow and heal though so BRING IT ON.

I Got It...Finally

2009-11-07T18:40:00.002-06:00

So, I had this feeling Thursday night that something just wasn't right. Sure, we can call it women's intuition and maybe that is true. I went on my walk/run at 5:30pm and the air was really crisp and chilly. I was wearing my normal "walking" Fall outfit of black leggings, black tee with "i don't give a hoot" on the front with a dark green fleece sweatshirt as a jacket to keep me warm.Anyway, I

Overcoming Distractions

2009-11-01T17:04:00.005-06:00

So, I'm told that I am obsessing right now and it is over the stupidest but funniest shit which I am in complete agreement with. I am obsessing over those wearing mask and that is not at all what I am about. It is a huge distraction and has been for some time now. I mean, the people that care the most for me and that I care the most for too are taking the biggest hit in this all. Sure, I have

Lingering On & Unrelated Topic of Halloween

2009-10-31T21:55:00.012-05:00

It has been brought to my attention that I do not update this blog as often as my other sites. Well, this blog is more for personal experiences and emotional development (or lack thereof sometimes.)The main thought that has repeated itself in my mind over and over again for about a week now is: "you lingered on too long." This very thought explains why I do not post to this blog often enough

I Don't

2009-10-28T16:00:00.001-05:00

I don't want to be here like this. I don't want to feel this empty. I don't want to feel like this inside.I don't want to look out the window at another beautiful day.I don't want to be there feeling no hope.I don't want to not be capable of overcoming.I don't want to see happy couples.I don't want to be here anymore.I just don't.

Stupid Head

2009-10-27T22:33:00.006-05:00

I am the coolest mofo yallz done evah did see, FOOL! Get some motherfckr!! Com' on round my crib and I ... Stupid Head john milton allen gintz superdad This is when I walked in on John typing on my blog

All Over Again

2009-10-25T11:47:00.002-05:00

Good Lord so much has happened in this busy week. I'm not sure where to start but thought I would blog a little before I get off the computer for a while. Let's see - by looking at this blog, you can tell that the last 6 months or so have been full of challenges, growing, awareness, music and loving. So, along comes Wednesday and these challenges were rehashed to me twice in one day! It was just

Working Life

2009-10-21T20:56:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking about work a lot lately and how sometimes I just want to yell "who in the hell do you think you are?!" I want to sometimes but I don't for fear of losing a job, a friend or a number of other things that are important to me. I work and work and work and work for the all mighty dollar. I miss out on time with my children to work for the man (in my case, it is like 15 men and 1

Alfie - Lily Allen

2009-10-17T19:50:00.002-05:00

I just love Lily Allen and her spicy soul. I have been listening to "Alfie" tonight which is about her brother smoking weed or sometimes I replace those words with "playing Wii". Lily Allen has become a leading force against pirating music which is why the video to "Alfie" no longer has an embedding feature on youtube. Clicking on "Alfie" above will take you to that video but I was unable to

Ten Thousand Words

2009-10-14T21:15:00.009-05:00

Ten thousand words swarm around my head, Ten million more in books written beneath my bed, I wrote or read them all when searchin' in the swarms, Still can't find out how to hold my hand,And I know you need me in the next room over, But I am stuck in here all paralyzed, For months I got myself in ruts, Too much time spent in mirrors framed in yellow walls, Ain't it like most people? I'm no

Enough?

2009-10-11T13:55:00.001-05:00

I keep thinking about the word "enough" and what it means. Merriam-Webster defines enough as: "occurring in such quantity, quality or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations." So, to know if one has enough then we need to look at one's demands, needs and expectations. The best way I have ever known to do this is by looking at Maslow's hierarchy of needs: For so long now, I have

The Easy Way & My Way

2009-10-10T11:30:00.001-05:00

I found this picture online and it really made me think. First, I laughed because I thought of how true this is. Then, I thought, "hold up", don't most people (including myself) take the Easy Way? But, then there is a part of me that secretly tries to make things as hard as possible to get to point b (My Way)? There is a balance between the easy way and the hard way and I think that is the

Wanted to Scream!!

2009-10-03T19:45:00.006-05:00

Damn, I keep having this urge to just scream. I didn't have my car all week because the ENGINE is being replaced. Yes, the entire ENGINE. This week has been filled with me getting rides and having John stay here in the house. Most nights went smoothly and Thursday was the first night I just wanted to be alone. I typically am alone on Thursday nights but the last two weeks, with the girls

An Angel (For Serious)

2009-09-30T22:04:00.005-05:00

So, this one guy I know, let's call him Toby met an angel. I am getting this story 2nd person so I haven't even spoken to Toby yet. But, after about 8 weeks of roaming around, experiencing his 19 year old freedom, he falls into some bad situations and has no money nor a place to live. Toby has been on some sort of medication since he was about 6 years old. The medication was for his ADHD

God's Time

2009-09-25T14:10:00.011-05:00

First, I know it is odd that we as humans blog or tweet or whatever else we do on the internet to convey our feelings and/or journal but it is what it is and these are my thoughts for this day.I know things will work out in God's time but I kinda want to slap the next person that tells me "it will be good in the long run" or "it will work out in God's time". I even say these exact things to

Sick People

2009-09-20T12:03:00.005-05:00

Muriel on the way to the doctor Seriously, crappy week and weekend. First, Mazzy started running a fever on Tuesday so I stayed home with her as she could not go to school. She wasn't looking better that afternoon so I took her to her dad's so she could stay with him on Wednesday. I wake up Wednesday to Muriel running a fever of 102.7. So, I stayed home with her and decided to take them both

Meeting Chay

2009-09-15T22:00:00.002-05:00

The first time I met my inner child, I was 21 years old and this is how it went down: I closed my eyes and visualized a beautiful green garden with waterfalls everywhere. I was walking through this garden and could hear a little girl crying. I couldn't find her though. I finally found her behind a tree sitting there holding her knees, looking down at the ground. I said hello to her and she

Married Spouses No-No

2009-09-13T22:10:00.034-05:00

There are some things that married people should never, ever say to someone of the opposite sex. And here it goes:I know we haven't even known each other that long but you can kinda tell when things would work out with someone.And I really haven't felt this way in about 10 years.I've thought about you meeting my parents.Sometimes, I really do think about things with you.We definitely have to

Being Normal

2009-09-12T20:28:00.012-05:00

Um, well, not a lot to say. I'm here, just here at a middle of the road line. It is kind of boring being here but I think this is what normal people must feel like.? I know in my soul there is no such thing as normal: There are standards but no one can honestly say "oh, that's normal". It is probably just a game of semantics: substitute "normal" for "typical", ex., "oh, that's typical" and

Turtle Day

2009-09-11T19:35:00.003-05:00

Mazzy found a turtle in the backyard and took some great pictures (John probably helped too.) They took about 85 pictures so I am not posting them all! We see you in there The turtle sees the pretty flower The turtle walks closer to see Mazzy Ok, the Turtle walks away quickly

Good Day?

2009-09-05T20:29:00.004-05:00

Things are pretty low-key and boring right now. It is an uncomfortable feeling since most days of my summer have been spent crying. So, having less drama is new grounds for me. Anyway, I don't won't to blog about how crappy the days are but more about how good they may could be. Good Day = lots of smiling and laughing, my kids obeying the rules, work going by really fast, feeling an inkling of

2009-09-02T23:25:00.009-05:00

Saturday Night Special: Watchman It is really all about the watch...

Words into Actions

2009-08-30T16:20:00.002-05:00

I thought I would blog about putting words and intentions into actions. I found all of this on several different websites so no linkage to any sites. 1st - Why do you want to put your intentions into actions? Will you do it alone or need support from others? Lastly, if you are not able to follow your plan, can you force it into action until it becomes habit?2nd - The Plan Write an overview of

Kiss & Make Up Day - August 25th

2009-08-25T22:01:00.012-05:00

This is just weird Seriously....August 25th = Kiss and Make Up Dayis a great way to end a spat.Everyone has an argument, a fight, or a tiff once in a while.Family, friends, lovers, no one escapes without an occasional fight.Today is a day to end the fight, kiss, and make up.Oh, what fun this day can be!Today is a day to end the fight, be it a short spat, or a long standing feud.C'mon, get over

"Him"

2009-08-23T22:10:00.017-05:00

Lots of love to Lily Allen for thinking of Him... Would you please take me away from this place? I cannot bear to see the look upon your faces, And if there is some kind of God do you think he's pleased? When he looks down on us I wonder what he sees? Do you think he'd think the things we do are a waste of time? Maybe he'd think we are getting on just fine, Do you think he's skint or financially

Losing

2009-08-19T08:25:00.005-05:00

WTF happened between the last blog post and now? I've literally lost in so many ways: my last blog post put me out on blast; he is hurting more now; can't stop crying; can't stop thinking; can't get back to pre-Summer self; can't stop thinking I talk way too much on the internet. Solution = take more xanax, duh.

Damn Last Week

2009-08-16T19:48:00.007-05:00

So, I just posted how crazy last week was with the girls starting school again. But, whew, it was crazy for so many other reasons too. I didn't journal much last week because I was completely distracted with a lot of stuff happening at work. I literally left the office crying everyday last week except Thursday. Just stupid bullshit that has been stupid bullshit since like May. I had a revelation

School Year 2009-2010 Begins

2009-08-16T15:30:00.002-05:00

This last week was crazy with the girls starting school: Mazzy is in 6th grade and Muriel is in 2nd. Mazzy also started wearing eyeliner on the inside of her eyes, "the pink part", as she says. I really think it is way too much make up but I'm trying to let her experiment on her own. I think she will give it up soon because it is too much work! Muriel will not stop talking, seriously. Even

Music Favorite - The Bird and The Bee

2009-08-05T22:21:00.020-05:00

John introduced me to The Bird and The Bee about 2 years ago. But, because it was John, I didn't like them at first. I wanted to hear loud bass lines and not indie pop stuff. But, I now love Inara George's voice so much. The group consists of Inara George "the bird" and Greg Kurstin "the bee" and it looks like they started in 2006 with none other than my favorite song!My favorite song has a "bad

Learning Lessons

2009-08-04T21:51:00.020-05:00

I was off work today and devoted most of the day to writing and reading about decision making. There is so much information available on all kinds of different ways to make a decision. In addition, I read a lot today about the dynamics of a couple and the blame games they go through and decisions that must be made. Most relevant of course was the writing. Hit it, nah nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah

2009-08-01T11:13:00.003-05:00

I really just want to write about how much I cannot stand... Screw it. Not even worth the freaking time to type it out. Instead, school is starting soon and the girls have been looking online to find their new gear. Mazzy has sent me emails with links from different stores that have the gear she wants and this is only a few of the items! Osiris Bronx Slim Black/Pink Stripes - Journey's $69.99

Prayer for Forgiveness

2009-07-25T22:25:00.003-05:00

Most Merciful FatherI confess that I have sinned against youin both thought, word and deedby what I have done and by what I have left undoneI have not loved you with my whole heartand I have not loved my neighbors as myselfI am truly sorry and humbly repentFor the sake of your Son, Jesus Christhave mercy on me and forgive meso that I may delight in your willand walk in your waysto the glory of

2009-07-18T22:15:00.004-05:00

What a good day...Made a list of things to look for at yard sales and after breakfast (diet coke & 2 brownies), got on the road to search for stuff. I had $14 to spend and came back home with $3! I think this is everything I bought: Print of Charles Burton Barber (1845-1894) "A Special Pleader" (not really my style but I knew Mazzy & Muriel would love it. Print of 3 Asian Design Black Frame

Time on Earth with My Favorite Artists

2009-07-17T18:00:00.002-05:00

I like the arrangement God made for me when he sent me down to exist while Aretha, Elvis, DJ Shadow, Lily Allen, Portishead, Mix Master Mike , The Roots and Linda Rondstat are roaming the earth as well. There are many other "greatest of all timers" but those are the ones that first come to mind. Note: If you click on the artist's name, it will take you to one of my favorite songs by that artist,